Let There Be Mess

I am a very orderly person. I live by my to-do app. I use this weekly desk planner at work. I journal. I am SO an 'inbox zero' person. My house is immaculately clean. My closet is color coordinated. Even my junk drawer is organized. And as I’ve written before, I love to write out a list of annual goals. 

I woke up yesterday feeling good (we stayed in, no hangover here), got right on my mat and did some yoga and meditated. Perfect. This was exactly how I had intended to start my day. Next on the New Year’s Day agenda was baking a decadent coffee cake from the Flour cookbook and having a luxurious brunch. This is where things started to go awry.

We spent about 3 hours on this cake…and it turned out awful. Like, inedible awful and our house was full of smoke. I can go with the flow, I can laugh at myself, but man, it was 3 pm, I was starving, and it was really hard to not be cranky about the pile of sloppy coffee cake sitting on my counter.

Whatever. Onwards.

I ate some yogurt, made a few self-depricating Instagram stories about the coffee cake fail, and laid down underneath the electric blanket to figure out how I could salvage the afternoon. 

I will journal! I will solidify my goals for 2018! I will set my intentions! Everyone else on social media is doing this! Today is the day!

It wasn’t the day. I knew it wasn’t the day, but I tried to force it to be the day. 

I wrote, it was fine. I set some goals, I felt ok about them. I tried to write a blog post, nothing happened. I pulled out my new tarot cards, I wasn’t connecting to anything. I decided to reorganize my sock drawer, I dumped every single sock onto the floor, stared at the pile, and walked away. I read through other people’s yearly goals and intentions, all of the sudden mine seemed lame. We ordered a pizza, it made me feel good…and then bad. I toyed with signing up for a 30-day meditation challenge, I promptly deleted the email invitation.

It was one of those days, and you know what? It's ok. Just because the western world has collectively decided that New Year's Day is THE day to embark on new goals and aspirations doesn’t mean that it actually has to be. Sometimes you can’t force it and it’s perfectly fine to have a weird day—even if that day is January 1st. 

So, if anyone else out there didn’t start the year out strong, I am right there with you. It is what it is. Que sera, sera. 

It is now January 2nd and my socks are still on the floor and it's not looking like I’ll get around to putting them away tonight. I don’t know about the rest of the year, but I’m letting this week be a little messy. And I think that might actually be exactly what I need. The rest of it can wait.

Happy New Year 🎉